“I’m still pregnant. I’m tired from the pregnancy. But nobody knows and no one speaks about it. It’s really confusing. It’s so difficult. I feel a bit locked up in this situation. Suffocated. I just want to sleep. I just want to be in my bed.”
The day after the ultrasound we drove to family in France, where we were supposed to celebrate our holiday. I wasn’t ready to share and I wasn’t ready to be around people. I felt confused about how to stay connected to the people around me and how to care for myself at the same time. I had no awareness of the impact the new knowledge had on me. And I wanted to protect myself from responses that would take more space than I had at that moment. I never consciously met anyone before that was going through this and I had no clue where to go from here. All I wanted was to rest and connect to what was going on inside of me.
* Missed is the name of the film I made about my pregnancy loss in 2020. The film is available for free on YouTube: https://youtu.be/8pGD6Tk6ZLY